(Expletives!) A Regretful Post, or, Much Ado About Big Black Socks

Ok, this story is very long and may get confusing. Grab some coffee. I'll start with the conclusion, hit the Reader's Digest version and some random notes, and include the full story in all its ugliness at the bottom. The e-mail addresses have been removed to protect the antagonists, but the names have remained the same - they don't warrant THAT much protection.

Conclusion: Kim Opperman, "Sarge," and owner/president/whatever of the charity group Socks For Soldiers is not just an intolerant, unforgiving bitch, but an intolerant, unforgiving, racist bitch. The members of the group who put up with her are marvelous people, so far as I've seen. By calling herself "sarge" she is an embarrassment to the Non-Commissioned Officer Corps. I have NEVER had an NCO who would have publicly dressed-down a subordinate in that manner, and racism is STRICTLTY forbidden in the military - no joke, they take that shit seriously. Being an ass-hole doesn't make you NCOish - it makes you assholish.

The Reader's Digest Version:
About a year ago, I decided that all Good Knitters knit socks. The problem being that I didn't already know how to knit socks. I found this marvelous group, Socks For Soldiers. Their mission is to send hand-knit wool socks to send to deployed soldiers (because hand-knit socks really are all that and a bag of chips, or so I've heard. Someday I'll knit myself some). There were all kinds of great letters from soldiers displayed on the group page and they offered a pattern especially for regulation Big Black Socks - a pattern that one must follow. So, you buy a ton of black sock yarn, spend 10-20 minutes every day working on socks, and then mail off your knitted socks with a bit of yarn, a darning needle, a note, care tag, etc. to Kim Opperman - self-styled "Sarge," who compiles all these and mails them to some awful place where service members are without their families. A wonderful mission. A Good Cause.

So, I signed up, bought my black yarn, 8 tiny double-pointed needles (DPNs), downloaded the pattern, and got busy. After about a month and a half, I realized that there was no way I was going to get these suckers completed within two years. I had about 3 inches done on each of the two socks (you knit two at a time to avoid the "Whew it's done! Finally!... Oh, &*(% I've gotta do another one." - second-sock syndrome). They're still on the needles... somewhere. I had scarves to knit, and something to do with my life that did not involve countless hours of 2x2 rib on DPNs. So, I e-mailed her and said I was thinking of quitting - I just didn't think I could do it. She e-mailed me back and was encouraging and basically refused to let me quit. Fine. I set them aside, planning to come back to them later, and sent a check.

Many moons passed. I systematically deleted all the e-mails that the Yahoo! group generated - I would find out what I had missed when I returned to the socks, after all. And then, finally, about a week and a half ago, I decided it was time to stop the spam, throw in the towel, reclaim my DPNs, frog out my meager 6 inches (rip it, rip it, rip it), and plan to come back in years, if ever - if I didn't knit black dress socks first. The kind that don't have 16" cuffs.

I went to the group page looking for the unsubscribe button, and found one that generated an e-mail to the moderator requesting to be removed. I did, and got the mail returned as undeliverable. Ok, fine. I'll just wait until the moderator sends another post and reply to it.

I politely backed out, claiming to be busy with two small children, a full-time job, and soccer practice, and not to like teeny tiny stitches in hard-to-see black yarn. I didn't know it would go out to the entire group. Even so, there was absolutely nothing I could think of that would be offensive in my letter.

The moderator felt differently. She posted a very inflammatory letter back to the entire group. I should stop here and mention that I had seen her publicly flay other members before for various offenses (whining, not following the pattern, sending imperfect socks, devoting too much time to other soldier-related knitting charities - there are many - etc.) and wasn't entirely surprised that she seemed pissed off. I should also mention that the other members of this group are Good People - they support one another, rarely bash, and seem warm and friendly and welcoming. Her "rant," as she calls her temper-tantrums, was so over-the-top that some of these Kind People have e-mailed me with kind, calming, and encouraging words.

Having learned my lesson, I opened a new e-mail message and wrote directly to her e-mail address. Unfortunately, I got ugly, too. Maybe I shouldn't have. I'm not sure I regret it, but I'm not crazy about anything I say that is unkind - especially in cold, hard writing.

Apparently, I am unpatriotic, apathetic to the plight of our service members, bad at managing my time (this bit wasn't news), disrespectful, and arrogant.

The thing that gets me most about this whole spat, is her last line to me: "If you defended your country in the same manner you served this mission- we would be wearing linen face veils and speaking Arabic right now." I already speak Arabic. Thank God I'm not a muslim - then I'd truly have no redeeming qualities!

All the e-mails are below. For those who may be alarmed, no - there is no imminent deployment. I hope to deploy sometime soon, and can expect to deploy sometime in my career, but nothing is set yet.

Everything's in chronological order, starting at the beginning and ending at the, well, end.

---
My "e-mail" (post-in-disguise) to Kim (the group):

Sarge,
I know it's been forever since I've posted or anything - sorry for that. I'm finding that being a soccer-mom with a full-time job is taking almost all I've got - I hardly have time for knitting at all, and black socks are... well, challenging.

That being said, I wish you all the luck in the world, and good knitting.

Please remove me from the group. Thank you for all you do for the men and women out there.

-Jenn
---
Her very public reply:

Sarge note-
Hi Jenn
Maybe it is because it is 5 AM and just got 2 kids on the bus to a wrestling tournament, that I can speak so freely. Maybe it is because I am on strong meds to get over pneumonia that I have had for 1 month,that allows me to put my thoughts into words, without hesitation. Maybe it is because I have been working 2 jobs while being sick for 1 month that gives me outrageous audacity to speak from my heart to yours. Maybe it is because I have 6 children, 3 still at home, and manage to attend their functions and knit too, that I feel compelled to answer your post publicly. Since you chose to post this letter publicly, do you mind if we do a "come let us reason together" conference, just among friends? If I may....Your problem is not that you are working full time, or that you are a "soccer mom" or that the socks are black in color. By the way, since you began your socks, the options for olive drab, tan, and white have been options for 1 1/2 years. I took the liberty of checking when you joined up for this mission- Feb 2, 2007- almost 321 days ago. If you had knit 20 minutes a day on your socks they would have been completed by now, and on the feet of a soldier in Afg, that desperately needed them. I might suggest, with all due respect, that you need to take 2 of my seminars on Time Management, and Volunteerism. Please do read something I wrote titled "The Invitation."

http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/SOCKFORSOL DIERS/files/

It comes in audio, so you can listen to them in your soccer mom cars and games.Your problem is not that you do not have enough time to knit but that your busy life is so comfortable, because the men and women at war have made your life so utterly free of fear you are oblivious to your responsibilities of being an American patriot. I know it never occurred to you that you could take your knitting bag to those soccer games. At 1 hour a week, you could have had a pair of socks completed in a couple months. Jenn, patriotism is not a spectator sport. It requires ACTION AND SACRIFICE on your part. And as I was looking up your history on the group since Feb 2, 2007, I could not help but notice the 2 pending members, waiting with enthusiasm to join up and knit for our beloved troops. Those are 2 more knitters willing to answer the call to arms, and have already calculated where they will find time to sacrifice for a soldier at war. I will approve both of them right now, in your honor. During this holiday season, while you and your family enjoy the fruits of an "America that is safe from harm" because of those soldiers that you do not have time for, I ask you to do 1 thing before you go. Pull yourself out of your "soccer mom" bubble long enough to look at our photo albums of soldiers who will be eating "Christmas in a Can," so that you might have a special holiday. http://ph.groups. yahoo.com/ group/SOCKFORSOL DIERS/photos/ browse/9cbb

And though I do like to make being a member here, as pleasant as possible, and provide the yarns, patterns, and atmosphere of enjoying the fruits of "others" that are knitting and receiving letters and pictures.... ...I reserve the right to ask you to "REMOVE" yourself. Its a painless push of a button on our front web page- You could have {and probably should have} exited quietly, without posting.And in closing... I will add your post to our "Excuses Wall of Shame" under "I am a soccer mom and couldnt find the time to knit for soldiers."Lastly - Your post reminded me of a soldier letter we received a couple weeks ago..Please do print it out and meditate on Greg's words over Christmas. Let me share it here:

Ms. Opperman,
I got a care package with a hat that was knitted by Carmen Michael and I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you. I am currently in Afghanistan and it is starting to get cold, the cap will help out a lot. There is a saying here "The Military is at War, while America is at the Mall." Getting packages and things like this make me realize that it is 100% not true. Thank you!
Greg Y
---
My private (and ugly) reply, just to her:
Kim,
I am so sorry for dragging that into public view - I didn't realize that when I hit reply it would go out to everyone.

Since we're being so "heart-to-heart" with this, I have to say I'm more than a little surprised that A) So long as you were checking up on me, you didn't realize I've been serving my country since '99. I've lost friends to war, too, and I've seen it tear families apart. And, B) That a woman with such a large and charitable heart would be so publicly rude and demeaning. I thought you were better than that, even stressed out and on cold medicine. I apologize for overestimating you.

You are absolutely right - it comes down to time-management and priorities. I prefer to spend my time in several different areas - there are few days I knit on anything for even 10 minutes. And since I support Soldiers, Sailors, Marines and Airmen on a daily basis, Black socks (or green or tan or recreational socks) just aren't that high on my priorities list. I'm glad that you have found your calling in organizing such a wonderful group of people and can still devote so much time to knitting socks for soldiers.

My problem, it seems, is that I failed to find the Remove button on the webpage. I'll go ahead and take your link/logo off my blog while I'm at it. I apologize for your inconvenience in reading and drafting such a lengthy reply to my last missive.
---
Her (private? Public?) reply:

Kim,
I am so sorry for dragging that into public view - I didn't realize that when I hit reply it would go out to everyone.

Since we're being so "heart-to-heart" with this, I have to say I'm more than a little surprised that A) So long as you were checking up on me, you didn't realize I've been serving my country since '99.
While I am deeply grateful for serving our country- when you voluntarily signed up for knitting socks for soldiers- you made a commitment to honor this mission. This commitment was not necessary, but you signed up for it. I counted on you to fulfil your part of this mission. This is precisely why I now send out a "Handshake Agreement" document, with required signature prior to joining, so that we might screen out ones like you.
I've lost friends to war, too, and I've seen it tear families apart. And, B) That a woman with such a large and charitable heart would be so publicly rude and demeaning.

And, you disregarded how many requests for socks needed in our boxes,not to mention requests for progress reports. You deleted 321 days of posts begging for you to pick up the needles and knit. You disrespected me and this organization when you posted your soccer mom "remove me" from the group post.
I thought you were better than that, even stressed out and on cold medicine. I apologize for overestimating you.
I also overestimated you....being one who served her country, learned to follow instructions, learned to take orders, learned how to keep commitments, learned how to follow through with a job, learned how to sacrifice a little to get the job done. The cough medicine comment was said tongue in cheek- and had nothing to do with my response to your apathetic arrogant post.

You are absolutely right - it comes down to time-management and priorities. I prefer to spend my time in several different areas - there are few days I knit on anything for even 10 minutes. And since I support Soldiers, Sailors, Marines and Airmen on a daily basis, Black socks (or green or tan or recreational socks) just aren't that high on my priorities list.
Your "support" of your fellow comrades was in name only....When those same comrades have requested 2000 pairs of socks, and you ignore those requests, you have in fact disrespected them, for whom you claim to support.

I'm glad that you have found your calling in organizing such a wonderful group of people and can still devote so much time to knitting socks for soldiers.

My problem, it seems, is that I failed to find the Remove button on the webpage.
I see you found it now...
I'll go ahead and take your link/logo off my blog while I'm at it.
Yes, agreed. You should remove it. It is sort of hypocritical to have a blog button on one's blog, when that organization for whom it represents has little meaning to the blog owner.

I apologize for your inconvenience in reading and drafting such a lengthy reply to my last missive.
It was my honor to serve and defend the US Armed Forces for which we give wholeheartedly. In the name of patriotism, it was my duty and responsibility to throw the manure right back at you. Bottom line, if you didn't want to knit socks- then leave. I did not drag you into this mission by your hair, nor force you to receive black yarn (Note: She didn't send it. I spent my own money and time at the appropriate website and got it myself. -JAC). But to write an audacious post that "I work full time and am a soccer mom and cannot knit those 'challenging' Big Black Socks- was reprehensible to say the least. I thought CHALLENGES were what a soldier did, and did well. If you defended your country in the same manner you served this mission- we would be wearing linen face veils and speaking Arabic right now.
Go in peace. (I added the bold italic for emphasis -JAC)
---
My own parthian shot:
I'll do my best not to lose sleep over all this while I'm on deployment. If not knitting BBS makes me irrevocably unpatriotic, call me a red coat.