When I think about the Muslim ban, I think about the vacation we almost didn't take in 2007 or 2008.
We didn't have much money, but I was able to put four round-trip tickets onto a credit card for us to go visit my parents on the West Coast. I had bought the tickets using one of those bargain sites and when we got to the airport, the confirmation number I had wouldn't pull up any flight information. I found out from the attendant behind the counter that my flight was actually not leaving from Charlotte, but from a smaller airport about an hour and a half's drive away. Our plane was to leave in an hour and a half. We weren't going to make it.
With no money to buy new tickets and no refund available, I knew I was defeated. I would have to explain to my kids that our week-long vacation wouldn't happen. That despite weeks of careful planning, they wouldn't see their grandparents for another year or more. That all my careful shopping still meant $1,650 went down the drain, and there were sooo many places it could have gone. That I wouldn't see my mother.
We would have to just go back home. What would we do for that week? How could I entertain us with almost no money? What hope did I have of rescuing that vacation without feeling the constant pain of missing my parents? What would I tell them?
I did the only thing I could: I started weeping. Nasty-crying in the middle of the arrivals gate. My kids were embarrassed and confused. My husband was embarrassed and powerless. The attendants wouldn't make eye-contact. It was awful.
My story has a happy ending. After a few minutes of sobbing, an attendant hurried over to us. Didn't I get the phone call? They had left messages on our home phone. We had been driving. The flight that was supposed to leave from the smaller airport was cancelled. We would have to re-book at no additional charge. They had a flight that would leave in two hours. There were seats available for us.
So, imagine that it hadn't been a year or two, but several. A decade. Two decades. Imagine that it wasn't a 6-hour flight, but a 12-hour flight. Imagine that it wasn't a careless oversight on the part of the traveler, but a revoked promise on the part of the government. Imagine getting all the way there, and being told you'd have to start over in a few months. And imagine that "just going back home" wasn't an option.
I can't. I can't imagine that.
That's why we need to work to ensure those who were told they could get here can do so. I hope they get their happily ever after, too.
Showing posts with label racism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label racism. Show all posts
Monday, January 30, 2017
Monday, January 4, 2016
Terrorists vs. Assholes
Terrorists are total assholes, but not all assholes are terrorists. While this may seem obvious, it's clear that we could all use a refresher.
Now, admittedly, that third point on the checklist gets a little murky. I could see an argument that their actions appear intended to influence government policy - that would be, the government's policy of continuing to maintain and administer federal land. However, the Bundy's redress of grievances focuses not on government policy, but on specific actions of the government. The armed militia is not trying to affect government actions through mass destruction, kidnapping, or assassination. So, that third point still gets a "not really."
While I can get behind the sentiment that had this militia been composed of anyone other than white people, the reaction would have been different, the reality is that no one was threatened or harmed in this, with the exception of the threat of violence as a response to government attempts to clear the building. It's not white-washing - they just aren't terrorists.
We don't need to apply the terrorist moniker to them to even the scoreboard - we should stop applying it where it doesn't belong. That's how you even the scoreboard and maintain perspective.
We should be taking action. We shouldn't take action because we'd take action if they were Muslims or if they were African American. That's not why. We need to make it clear that taking over a federal building - occupied or not, remote or not - will not be tolerated. Not by terrorists, not by assholes.
As funny as the terms #Y'allQaeda, #VanillaISIS, #TaliBundy, and #YeeHawd are, this isn't terrorism. They aren't terrorists - they're just assholes.
Let's start with definitions.
The FBI states that domestic terrorism must contain the following three characteristics. It must:- Happen within U.S. territory.
- Include acts dangerous to human life that violate state or federal law.
- Appear to be intended to 1) intimidate or coerce a civilian population, 2) influence government policy through intimidation or coercion, or 3) affect government actions through mass destruction, kidnapping, or assassination.
 |
| These are terrorists |
Let's apply this checklist to the situation in rural Oregon:
- Happened in the U.S. - Check! (Last I checked, Oregon was in the U.S.)
- Includes acts dangerous to human life - Nope!
- Appears intended to 1) intimidate or coerce a civilian population - Nope! 2) influence government policy - Not really. 3) Affect government actions through mass destruction, kidnapping, or assassination - Nope!
Now, admittedly, that third point on the checklist gets a little murky. I could see an argument that their actions appear intended to influence government policy - that would be, the government's policy of continuing to maintain and administer federal land. However, the Bundy's redress of grievances focuses not on government policy, but on specific actions of the government. The armed militia is not trying to affect government actions through mass destruction, kidnapping, or assassination. So, that third point still gets a "not really."
 |
| These are not terrorists |
We don't need to apply the terrorist moniker to them to even the scoreboard - we should stop applying it where it doesn't belong. That's how you even the scoreboard and maintain perspective.
We should be taking action. We shouldn't take action because we'd take action if they were Muslims or if they were African American. That's not why. We need to make it clear that taking over a federal building - occupied or not, remote or not - will not be tolerated. Not by terrorists, not by assholes.
As funny as the terms #Y'allQaeda, #VanillaISIS, #TaliBundy, and #YeeHawd are, this isn't terrorism. They aren't terrorists - they're just assholes.
Review:
Terrorists:
- Da'ish/ISIL/ISIS/Whatever
- Al-Qa'ida/Al Qaeda/Al Kayda/However
- Boko Haram
- Those Paris-hating assholes
Not Terrorists:
- The man at work who wears a turban
- The kid with a Super-Soaker
- The asshole who pulls into the parking spot you sharked for hours to get
- Those assholes occupying an empty rural federal building
Friday, November 6, 2015
Stop Using That Hashtag
Victim Equaling
You probably already know what a "topper" is. Whatever you say, they've done it better, gotten a bigger one, done it more, or had it worse.Victim-topping is this thing I see on the internet lately, and it's not so much topping, as it is "equaling." If you were at a party, it'd go like this: You say, "Thank God someone brought a veggie platter. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts, and they are in everything!" And they say, "Yeah, I'm a vegan. We should all demand more choices from our grocer."
The #BlackLivesMatter movement is a good example of a movement with a counter-movement. This movement draws attention to "the ways in which Black people are intentionally left powerless at the hands of the state."
That Other Hashtag is a Straw Man Argument
The counter-movement, All Lives Matter, is a straw man argument that seeks to reinforce the status quo. In this day and age, we can pretty much agree that all lives matter. Hence the straw man part. No one is going to disagree with you on that one. No one was even making that argument.
By saying "all lives matter," you're seeking to diminish the power of the request for change by changing the focus of the argument. You're working to halt the change others depend on by reinforcing the status quo.
A Constructionist Reading
When you use that other hashtag, you're using the same well-recognized format as #blacklivesmatter, which draws a comparison between the two. "All lives matter" would have no meaning without the association to Black Lives Matter. By saying "all lives matter," you aren't drawing attention to a specific problem, you're just muddying the water. Because of this association, you're drawing a comparison which brushes aside the problem Black Lives Matter tries to address; you're making room at the party for a lesser problem.
Lastly, I'd like to remind you that Black Lives Matter is not a zero-sum game. A system that treats black people fairly won't suddenly turn on white people. More fair treatment does not necessitate the displacement of injustice from one group onto another group.
So, stop using that hash-tag. You're not helping anyone, and you're hurting some.
20151108 Update: edited to fix a typo.
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
On Accidental Saints and Made For Goodness - Week 1
I can't always make it to church, and that means missing book group. So I'm participating via blog, at least on the weeks I can't make it.
Nadia Bolz-Weber's voice in Accidental Saints - Finding God in All the Wrong People is humorous, at times irreverent. She uses swear words! She sounds like someone I'd like to have coffee with. It's refreshing to "hear" someone speak on Godly matters without the lofty speech that often makes books on the subject inaccessible to the average Joe.
Desmond Tutu's voice in Made for Goodness and Why This Makes All the Difference is grandfatherly. Kind, approachable, instructive. His text is a little denser than Nadia's, which is why I think it's a good thing that we typically read three chapters of her book to two of his. He has a much different outlook than Nadia (for some obvious reasons), but still manages to relate to the American experience.
The next quote from Accidental Saints captures the idea that we are all complicated. I think this speaks to the idea that we're all marred by sin in some way, but also reflects the idea that we're all saints, too: "On All Saints' Sunday, I am faced with sticky ambiguities around saints who were bad and sinners who were good." This pairs nicely with one from Made for Goodness, which reminds us that even though we are all complicated, we're also all good: "There is not a single person that God gives up on, because God knows that we are made to be like God, who is goodness itself."
Nadia talks about her struggles with racism, and that resonated with me. She says that for all her anti-racism talk and liberal leanings, she can't get around the fact that she reacts differently to (for example) young black men she sees on the street. She also references white privilege and her empty outrage at the inherent racism in our society. She says she feels that if she could just "show the right level of outrage, it'll make up for the fact that every single day of my life I have benefited from the very same system that acquitted George Zimmerman." Tutu has a slightly different take on it: "If wrong was the norm, it wouldn't be news... Murder and mayhem are not the norm. The norm is goodness." This brought me hope. It's easy to feel discouraged watching the news. Whether it's local stories or international news, there are atrocities everywhere, and there's so much of it I can't do a thing about. I like this reminder that while it may seem that stuff is everywhere, there's also goodness everywhere. It's almost like he's speaking to her outrage, here.
Desmond Tutu devotes a lot of time to explaining that our efforts to "be good" get in the way of our recognition that we "are good." One of the things he says is, "Attached to that notion of "being good" are all the "oughts" and "shoulds" that we think will win us... God's love and divine favor." I've been in therapy a few times. One of the more recent was because of the stress I was facing with accepting a decision that meant our family was geographically spread out, and I was (temporarily) a single mom. I had stopped sleeping. I had almost stopped eating. I was consumed by anger and stress. The therapist worked with me using cognitive behavioral therapy - changing your thinking in order to better control your thinking. He talked about "musterbating" - allowing too many toxic thoughts into your head. "It must be fair" (no, it isn't always fair), "I must do the dishes" (no, you don't have to do the dishes, but maybe there's a way to remind yourself that you want to), "I must be understood" (nope, that doesn't always happen, either). Focusing on that stuff will drive you certifiably crazy. Tutu also said, "We cannot choose how we feel. We can choose what we do, how we act." I'm not sure I agree with this. I think you can make choices about how you feel. I think my therapy did just that. I think when we are angry, that's as much a choice we make as when we decide to move forward from a set-back.
One of the first things I highlighted from Accidental Saints was a quote about the saints in our lives: "Saint Paul describes the saints as "a great cloud of witnesses," so when they have passed, we still hold them up, hoping perhaps that their virtues... might become our own virtue, our own strength." I had never considered our (Episcopal) view of the saints in this light, but I like the idea. It was an "aha!" moment.
There's this, on leadership, from Accidental Saints: "I'm a leader, but only by saying, 'Oh, screw it. I'll go first.'" I wonder how much of corporate leadership is this "Fine - I'll go first" kind of attitude and how much is "We (meaning you) need to go this way." Is one way better in the corporate world? More effective? Is there room for high-level corporate leaders to "go first"? I'd like to say that going first is the best leadership... But honestly, I'm not sure the guys at the top can do that. Not in any "corporate vision" kind of way. Maybe they can sometimes. I don't know.
Overall Impressions
The choice to read these two books together was brilliant. They echo each other using different voices for much the same message, and it's a good and powerful message. So far, I'd say the message is, "You are worthy - it'll be okay."Nadia Bolz-Weber's voice in Accidental Saints - Finding God in All the Wrong People is humorous, at times irreverent. She uses swear words! She sounds like someone I'd like to have coffee with. It's refreshing to "hear" someone speak on Godly matters without the lofty speech that often makes books on the subject inaccessible to the average Joe.
Desmond Tutu's voice in Made for Goodness and Why This Makes All the Difference is grandfatherly. Kind, approachable, instructive. His text is a little denser than Nadia's, which is why I think it's a good thing that we typically read three chapters of her book to two of his. He has a much different outlook than Nadia (for some obvious reasons), but still manages to relate to the American experience.
What Spoke to Me
One of the best quotes from Accidental Saints is: "There is nothing we have done that God cannot redeem." It's really hard to internalize this one. Tutu helps a bit: "God already loves us perfectly; God cannot love us one iota more. Equally, there is nothing we can do that will make God love us one iota less." This, too, is difficult to internalize, but remembering God's love is perfect is helpful.The next quote from Accidental Saints captures the idea that we are all complicated. I think this speaks to the idea that we're all marred by sin in some way, but also reflects the idea that we're all saints, too: "On All Saints' Sunday, I am faced with sticky ambiguities around saints who were bad and sinners who were good." This pairs nicely with one from Made for Goodness, which reminds us that even though we are all complicated, we're also all good: "There is not a single person that God gives up on, because God knows that we are made to be like God, who is goodness itself."
Nadia talks about her struggles with racism, and that resonated with me. She says that for all her anti-racism talk and liberal leanings, she can't get around the fact that she reacts differently to (for example) young black men she sees on the street. She also references white privilege and her empty outrage at the inherent racism in our society. She says she feels that if she could just "show the right level of outrage, it'll make up for the fact that every single day of my life I have benefited from the very same system that acquitted George Zimmerman." Tutu has a slightly different take on it: "If wrong was the norm, it wouldn't be news... Murder and mayhem are not the norm. The norm is goodness." This brought me hope. It's easy to feel discouraged watching the news. Whether it's local stories or international news, there are atrocities everywhere, and there's so much of it I can't do a thing about. I like this reminder that while it may seem that stuff is everywhere, there's also goodness everywhere. It's almost like he's speaking to her outrage, here.
Desmond Tutu devotes a lot of time to explaining that our efforts to "be good" get in the way of our recognition that we "are good." One of the things he says is, "Attached to that notion of "being good" are all the "oughts" and "shoulds" that we think will win us... God's love and divine favor." I've been in therapy a few times. One of the more recent was because of the stress I was facing with accepting a decision that meant our family was geographically spread out, and I was (temporarily) a single mom. I had stopped sleeping. I had almost stopped eating. I was consumed by anger and stress. The therapist worked with me using cognitive behavioral therapy - changing your thinking in order to better control your thinking. He talked about "musterbating" - allowing too many toxic thoughts into your head. "It must be fair" (no, it isn't always fair), "I must do the dishes" (no, you don't have to do the dishes, but maybe there's a way to remind yourself that you want to), "I must be understood" (nope, that doesn't always happen, either). Focusing on that stuff will drive you certifiably crazy. Tutu also said, "We cannot choose how we feel. We can choose what we do, how we act." I'm not sure I agree with this. I think you can make choices about how you feel. I think my therapy did just that. I think when we are angry, that's as much a choice we make as when we decide to move forward from a set-back.
One of the first things I highlighted from Accidental Saints was a quote about the saints in our lives: "Saint Paul describes the saints as "a great cloud of witnesses," so when they have passed, we still hold them up, hoping perhaps that their virtues... might become our own virtue, our own strength." I had never considered our (Episcopal) view of the saints in this light, but I like the idea. It was an "aha!" moment.
The Discussion Questions
1. I rarely think of myself as a saint. Mostly, I realize how broken I am - I'm so mean, sometimes. Often, even. I've said before that if my mom, my aunt, and my husband are praying for you, you're going to be okay. While each of these people is merely human - they each have their flaws - I also know that they can be my strongest supporters. I've always felt their spiritual health was really high, even when they were in crisis or questioning their faith.
2. I think I'm often in places where I say the wrong thing, or I react the wrong way. I think loving (in a Christian kind of way) the people around you helps you empathize with them more, and might help you not say the wrong thing, but I think getting it right 100% of the time is impossible for humans. I think Desmond Tutu answers this better, by encouraging us to not try to say the right thing or do the right thing, but to remember that we are good, even when we're not.
3. Figuring out just what crap I've had exchanged for Jesus's blessedness is pretty hard. I know I've got a lot of crap. Figuring out which has been more or less directly exchanged is a tall order. I suppose, I could say that there have been a few times when I said exactly the wrong thing to someone... And those people chose to keep talking to me, to be my friends, to forgive me. I guess that's my crap for His blessedness.
Friday, December 26, 2008
(Expletives!) A Regretful Post, or, Much Ado About Big Black Socks
Ok, this story is very long and may get confusing. Grab some coffee. I'll start with the conclusion, hit the Reader's Digest version and some random notes, and include the full story in all its ugliness at the bottom. The e-mail addresses have been removed to protect the antagonists, but the names have remained the same - they don't warrant THAT much protection.
Conclusion: Kim Opperman, "Sarge," and owner/president/whatever of the charity group Socks For Soldiers is not just an intolerant, unforgiving bitch, but an intolerant, unforgiving, racist bitch. The members of the group who put up with her are marvelous people, so far as I've seen. By calling herself "sarge" she is an embarrassment to the Non-Commissioned Officer Corps. I have NEVER had an NCO who would have publicly dressed-down a subordinate in that manner, and racism is STRICTLTY forbidden in the military - no joke, they take that shit seriously. Being an ass-hole doesn't make you NCOish - it makes you assholish.
The Reader's Digest Version:
About a year ago, I decided that all Good Knitters knit socks. The problem being that I didn't already know how to knit socks. I found this marvelous group, Socks For Soldiers. Their mission is to send hand-knit wool socks to send to deployed soldiers (because hand-knit socks really are all that and a bag of chips, or so I've heard. Someday I'll knit myself some). There were all kinds of great letters from soldiers displayed on the group page and they offered a pattern especially for regulation Big Black Socks - a pattern that one must follow. So, you buy a ton of black sock yarn, spend 10-20 minutes every day working on socks, and then mail off your knitted socks with a bit of yarn, a darning needle, a note, care tag, etc. to Kim Opperman - self-styled "Sarge," who compiles all these and mails them to some awful place where service members are without their families. A wonderful mission. A Good Cause.
So, I signed up, bought my black yarn, 8 tiny double-pointed needles (DPNs), downloaded the pattern, and got busy. After about a month and a half, I realized that there was no way I was going to get these suckers completed within two years. I had about 3 inches done on each of the two socks (you knit two at a time to avoid the "Whew it's done! Finally!... Oh, &*(% I've gotta do another one." - second-sock syndrome). They're still on the needles... somewhere. I had scarves to knit, and something to do with my life that did not involve countless hours of 2x2 rib on DPNs. So, I e-mailed her and said I was thinking of quitting - I just didn't think I could do it. She e-mailed me back and was encouraging and basically refused to let me quit. Fine. I set them aside, planning to come back to them later, and sent a check.
Many moons passed. I systematically deleted all the e-mails that the Yahoo! group generated - I would find out what I had missed when I returned to the socks, after all. And then, finally, about a week and a half ago, I decided it was time to stop the spam, throw in the towel, reclaim my DPNs, frog out my meager 6 inches (rip it, rip it, rip it), and plan to come back in years, if ever - if I didn't knit black dress socks first. The kind that don't have 16" cuffs.
I went to the group page looking for the unsubscribe button, and found one that generated an e-mail to the moderator requesting to be removed. I did, and got the mail returned as undeliverable. Ok, fine. I'll just wait until the moderator sends another post and reply to it.
I politely backed out, claiming to be busy with two small children, a full-time job, and soccer practice, and not to like teeny tiny stitches in hard-to-see black yarn. I didn't know it would go out to the entire group. Even so, there was absolutely nothing I could think of that would be offensive in my letter.
The moderator felt differently. She posted a very inflammatory letter back to the entire group. I should stop here and mention that I had seen her publicly flay other members before for various offenses (whining, not following the pattern, sending imperfect socks, devoting too much time to other soldier-related knitting charities - there are many - etc.) and wasn't entirely surprised that she seemed pissed off. I should also mention that the other members of this group are Good People - they support one another, rarely bash, and seem warm and friendly and welcoming. Her "rant," as she calls her temper-tantrums, was so over-the-top that some of these Kind People have e-mailed me with kind, calming, and encouraging words.
Having learned my lesson, I opened a new e-mail message and wrote directly to her e-mail address. Unfortunately, I got ugly, too. Maybe I shouldn't have. I'm not sure I regret it, but I'm not crazy about anything I say that is unkind - especially in cold, hard writing.
Apparently, I am unpatriotic, apathetic to the plight of our service members, bad at managing my time (this bit wasn't news), disrespectful, and arrogant.
The thing that gets me most about this whole spat, is her last line to me: "If you defended your country in the same manner you served this mission- we would be wearing linen face veils and speaking Arabic right now." I already speak Arabic. Thank God I'm not a muslim - then I'd truly have no redeeming qualities!
All the e-mails are below. For those who may be alarmed, no - there is no imminent deployment. I hope to deploy sometime soon, and can expect to deploy sometime in my career, but nothing is set yet.
Everything's in chronological order, starting at the beginning and ending at the, well, end.
---
My "e-mail" (post-in-disguise) to Kim (the group):
Sarge,
I know it's been forever since I've posted or anything - sorry for that. I'm finding that being a soccer-mom with a full-time job is taking almost all I've got - I hardly have time for knitting at all, and black socks are... well, challenging.
That being said, I wish you all the luck in the world, and good knitting.
Please remove me from the group. Thank you for all you do for the men and women out there.
-Jenn
---
Her very public reply:
Sarge note-
Hi Jenn
Maybe it is because it is 5 AM and just got 2 kids on the bus to a wrestling tournament, that I can speak so freely. Maybe it is because I am on strong meds to get over pneumonia that I have had for 1 month,that allows me to put my thoughts into words, without hesitation. Maybe it is because I have been working 2 jobs while being sick for 1 month that gives me outrageous audacity to speak from my heart to yours. Maybe it is because I have 6 children, 3 still at home, and manage to attend their functions and knit too, that I feel compelled to answer your post publicly. Since you chose to post this letter publicly, do you mind if we do a "come let us reason together" conference, just among friends? If I may....Your problem is not that you are working full time, or that you are a "soccer mom" or that the socks are black in color. By the way, since you began your socks, the options for olive drab, tan, and white have been options for 1 1/2 years. I took the liberty of checking when you joined up for this mission- Feb 2, 2007- almost 321 days ago. If you had knit 20 minutes a day on your socks they would have been completed by now, and on the feet of a soldier in Afg, that desperately needed them. I might suggest, with all due respect, that you need to take 2 of my seminars on Time Management, and Volunteerism. Please do read something I wrote titled "The Invitation."
http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/SOCKFORSOL DIERS/files/
It comes in audio, so you can listen to them in your soccer mom cars and games.Your problem is not that you do not have enough time to knit but that your busy life is so comfortable, because the men and women at war have made your life so utterly free of fear you are oblivious to your responsibilities of being an American patriot. I know it never occurred to you that you could take your knitting bag to those soccer games. At 1 hour a week, you could have had a pair of socks completed in a couple months. Jenn, patriotism is not a spectator sport. It requires ACTION AND SACRIFICE on your part. And as I was looking up your history on the group since Feb 2, 2007, I could not help but notice the 2 pending members, waiting with enthusiasm to join up and knit for our beloved troops. Those are 2 more knitters willing to answer the call to arms, and have already calculated where they will find time to sacrifice for a soldier at war. I will approve both of them right now, in your honor. During this holiday season, while you and your family enjoy the fruits of an "America that is safe from harm" because of those soldiers that you do not have time for, I ask you to do 1 thing before you go. Pull yourself out of your "soccer mom" bubble long enough to look at our photo albums of soldiers who will be eating "Christmas in a Can," so that you might have a special holiday. http://ph.groups. yahoo.com/ group/SOCKFORSOL DIERS/photos/ browse/9cbb
And though I do like to make being a member here, as pleasant as possible, and provide the yarns, patterns, and atmosphere of enjoying the fruits of "others" that are knitting and receiving letters and pictures.... ...I reserve the right to ask you to "REMOVE" yourself. Its a painless push of a button on our front web page- You could have {and probably should have} exited quietly, without posting.And in closing... I will add your post to our "Excuses Wall of Shame" under "I am a soccer mom and couldnt find the time to knit for soldiers."Lastly - Your post reminded me of a soldier letter we received a couple weeks ago..Please do print it out and meditate on Greg's words over Christmas. Let me share it here:
Ms. Opperman,
I got a care package with a hat that was knitted by Carmen Michael and I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you. I am currently in Afghanistan and it is starting to get cold, the cap will help out a lot. There is a saying here "The Military is at War, while America is at the Mall." Getting packages and things like this make me realize that it is 100% not true. Thank you!
Greg Y
---
My private (and ugly) reply, just to her:
Kim,
I am so sorry for dragging that into public view - I didn't realize that when I hit reply it would go out to everyone.
Since we're being so "heart-to-heart" with this, I have to say I'm more than a little surprised that A) So long as you were checking up on me, you didn't realize I've been serving my country since '99. I've lost friends to war, too, and I've seen it tear families apart. And, B) That a woman with such a large and charitable heart would be so publicly rude and demeaning. I thought you were better than that, even stressed out and on cold medicine. I apologize for overestimating you.
You are absolutely right - it comes down to time-management and priorities. I prefer to spend my time in several different areas - there are few days I knit on anything for even 10 minutes. And since I support Soldiers, Sailors, Marines and Airmen on a daily basis, Black socks (or green or tan or recreational socks) just aren't that high on my priorities list. I'm glad that you have found your calling in organizing such a wonderful group of people and can still devote so much time to knitting socks for soldiers.
My problem, it seems, is that I failed to find the Remove button on the webpage. I'll go ahead and take your link/logo off my blog while I'm at it. I apologize for your inconvenience in reading and drafting such a lengthy reply to my last missive.
---
Her (private? Public?) reply:
Kim,
I am so sorry for dragging that into public view - I didn't realize that when I hit reply it would go out to everyone.
Since we're being so "heart-to-heart" with this, I have to say I'm more than a little surprised that A) So long as you were checking up on me, you didn't realize I've been serving my country since '99.
While I am deeply grateful for serving our country- when you voluntarily signed up for knitting socks for soldiers- you made a commitment to honor this mission. This commitment was not necessary, but you signed up for it. I counted on you to fulfil your part of this mission. This is precisely why I now send out a "Handshake Agreement" document, with required signature prior to joining, so that we might screen out ones like you.
I've lost friends to war, too, and I've seen it tear families apart. And, B) That a woman with such a large and charitable heart would be so publicly rude and demeaning.
And, you disregarded how many requests for socks needed in our boxes,not to mention requests for progress reports. You deleted 321 days of posts begging for you to pick up the needles and knit. You disrespected me and this organization when you posted your soccer mom "remove me" from the group post.
I thought you were better than that, even stressed out and on cold medicine. I apologize for overestimating you.
I also overestimated you....being one who served her country, learned to follow instructions, learned to take orders, learned how to keep commitments, learned how to follow through with a job, learned how to sacrifice a little to get the job done. The cough medicine comment was said tongue in cheek- and had nothing to do with my response to your apathetic arrogant post.
You are absolutely right - it comes down to time-management and priorities. I prefer to spend my time in several different areas - there are few days I knit on anything for even 10 minutes. And since I support Soldiers, Sailors, Marines and Airmen on a daily basis, Black socks (or green or tan or recreational socks) just aren't that high on my priorities list.
Your "support" of your fellow comrades was in name only....When those same comrades have requested 2000 pairs of socks, and you ignore those requests, you have in fact disrespected them, for whom you claim to support.
I'm glad that you have found your calling in organizing such a wonderful group of people and can still devote so much time to knitting socks for soldiers.
My problem, it seems, is that I failed to find the Remove button on the webpage.
I see you found it now...
I'll go ahead and take your link/logo off my blog while I'm at it.
Yes, agreed. You should remove it. It is sort of hypocritical to have a blog button on one's blog, when that organization for whom it represents has little meaning to the blog owner.
I apologize for your inconvenience in reading and drafting such a lengthy reply to my last missive.
It was my honor to serve and defend the US Armed Forces for which we give wholeheartedly. In the name of patriotism, it was my duty and responsibility to throw the manure right back at you. Bottom line, if you didn't want to knit socks- then leave. I did not drag you into this mission by your hair, nor force you to receive black yarn (Note: She didn't send it. I spent my own money and time at the appropriate website and got it myself. -JAC). But to write an audacious post that "I work full time and am a soccer mom and cannot knit those 'challenging' Big Black Socks- was reprehensible to say the least. I thought CHALLENGES were what a soldier did, and did well. If you defended your country in the same manner you served this mission- we would be wearing linen face veils and speaking Arabic right now.
Go in peace. (I added the bold italic for emphasis -JAC)
---
My own parthian shot:
I'll do my best not to lose sleep over all this while I'm on deployment. If not knitting BBS makes me irrevocably unpatriotic, call me a red coat.
Conclusion: Kim Opperman, "Sarge," and owner/president/whatever of the charity group Socks For Soldiers is not just an intolerant, unforgiving bitch, but an intolerant, unforgiving, racist bitch. The members of the group who put up with her are marvelous people, so far as I've seen. By calling herself "sarge" she is an embarrassment to the Non-Commissioned Officer Corps. I have NEVER had an NCO who would have publicly dressed-down a subordinate in that manner, and racism is STRICTLTY forbidden in the military - no joke, they take that shit seriously. Being an ass-hole doesn't make you NCOish - it makes you assholish.
The Reader's Digest Version:
About a year ago, I decided that all Good Knitters knit socks. The problem being that I didn't already know how to knit socks. I found this marvelous group, Socks For Soldiers. Their mission is to send hand-knit wool socks to send to deployed soldiers (because hand-knit socks really are all that and a bag of chips, or so I've heard. Someday I'll knit myself some). There were all kinds of great letters from soldiers displayed on the group page and they offered a pattern especially for regulation Big Black Socks - a pattern that one must follow. So, you buy a ton of black sock yarn, spend 10-20 minutes every day working on socks, and then mail off your knitted socks with a bit of yarn, a darning needle, a note, care tag, etc. to Kim Opperman - self-styled "Sarge," who compiles all these and mails them to some awful place where service members are without their families. A wonderful mission. A Good Cause.
So, I signed up, bought my black yarn, 8 tiny double-pointed needles (DPNs), downloaded the pattern, and got busy. After about a month and a half, I realized that there was no way I was going to get these suckers completed within two years. I had about 3 inches done on each of the two socks (you knit two at a time to avoid the "Whew it's done! Finally!... Oh, &*(% I've gotta do another one." - second-sock syndrome). They're still on the needles... somewhere. I had scarves to knit, and something to do with my life that did not involve countless hours of 2x2 rib on DPNs. So, I e-mailed her and said I was thinking of quitting - I just didn't think I could do it. She e-mailed me back and was encouraging and basically refused to let me quit. Fine. I set them aside, planning to come back to them later, and sent a check.
Many moons passed. I systematically deleted all the e-mails that the Yahoo! group generated - I would find out what I had missed when I returned to the socks, after all. And then, finally, about a week and a half ago, I decided it was time to stop the spam, throw in the towel, reclaim my DPNs, frog out my meager 6 inches (rip it, rip it, rip it), and plan to come back in years, if ever - if I didn't knit black dress socks first. The kind that don't have 16" cuffs.
I went to the group page looking for the unsubscribe button, and found one that generated an e-mail to the moderator requesting to be removed. I did, and got the mail returned as undeliverable. Ok, fine. I'll just wait until the moderator sends another post and reply to it.
I politely backed out, claiming to be busy with two small children, a full-time job, and soccer practice, and not to like teeny tiny stitches in hard-to-see black yarn. I didn't know it would go out to the entire group. Even so, there was absolutely nothing I could think of that would be offensive in my letter.
The moderator felt differently. She posted a very inflammatory letter back to the entire group. I should stop here and mention that I had seen her publicly flay other members before for various offenses (whining, not following the pattern, sending imperfect socks, devoting too much time to other soldier-related knitting charities - there are many - etc.) and wasn't entirely surprised that she seemed pissed off. I should also mention that the other members of this group are Good People - they support one another, rarely bash, and seem warm and friendly and welcoming. Her "rant," as she calls her temper-tantrums, was so over-the-top that some of these Kind People have e-mailed me with kind, calming, and encouraging words.
Having learned my lesson, I opened a new e-mail message and wrote directly to her e-mail address. Unfortunately, I got ugly, too. Maybe I shouldn't have. I'm not sure I regret it, but I'm not crazy about anything I say that is unkind - especially in cold, hard writing.
Apparently, I am unpatriotic, apathetic to the plight of our service members, bad at managing my time (this bit wasn't news), disrespectful, and arrogant.
The thing that gets me most about this whole spat, is her last line to me: "If you defended your country in the same manner you served this mission- we would be wearing linen face veils and speaking Arabic right now." I already speak Arabic. Thank God I'm not a muslim - then I'd truly have no redeeming qualities!
All the e-mails are below. For those who may be alarmed, no - there is no imminent deployment. I hope to deploy sometime soon, and can expect to deploy sometime in my career, but nothing is set yet.
Everything's in chronological order, starting at the beginning and ending at the, well, end.
---
My "e-mail" (post-in-disguise) to Kim (the group):
Sarge,
I know it's been forever since I've posted or anything - sorry for that. I'm finding that being a soccer-mom with a full-time job is taking almost all I've got - I hardly have time for knitting at all, and black socks are... well, challenging.
That being said, I wish you all the luck in the world, and good knitting.
Please remove me from the group. Thank you for all you do for the men and women out there.
-Jenn
---
Her very public reply:
Sarge note-
Hi Jenn
Maybe it is because it is 5 AM and just got 2 kids on the bus to a wrestling tournament, that I can speak so freely. Maybe it is because I am on strong meds to get over pneumonia that I have had for 1 month,that allows me to put my thoughts into words, without hesitation. Maybe it is because I have been working 2 jobs while being sick for 1 month that gives me outrageous audacity to speak from my heart to yours. Maybe it is because I have 6 children, 3 still at home, and manage to attend their functions and knit too, that I feel compelled to answer your post publicly. Since you chose to post this letter publicly, do you mind if we do a "come let us reason together" conference, just among friends? If I may....Your problem is not that you are working full time, or that you are a "soccer mom" or that the socks are black in color. By the way, since you began your socks, the options for olive drab, tan, and white have been options for 1 1/2 years. I took the liberty of checking when you joined up for this mission- Feb 2, 2007- almost 321 days ago. If you had knit 20 minutes a day on your socks they would have been completed by now, and on the feet of a soldier in Afg, that desperately needed them. I might suggest, with all due respect, that you need to take 2 of my seminars on Time Management, and Volunteerism. Please do read something I wrote titled "The Invitation."
http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/SOCKFORSOL DIERS/files/
It comes in audio, so you can listen to them in your soccer mom cars and games.Your problem is not that you do not have enough time to knit but that your busy life is so comfortable, because the men and women at war have made your life so utterly free of fear you are oblivious to your responsibilities of being an American patriot. I know it never occurred to you that you could take your knitting bag to those soccer games. At 1 hour a week, you could have had a pair of socks completed in a couple months. Jenn, patriotism is not a spectator sport. It requires ACTION AND SACRIFICE on your part. And as I was looking up your history on the group since Feb 2, 2007, I could not help but notice the 2 pending members, waiting with enthusiasm to join up and knit for our beloved troops. Those are 2 more knitters willing to answer the call to arms, and have already calculated where they will find time to sacrifice for a soldier at war. I will approve both of them right now, in your honor. During this holiday season, while you and your family enjoy the fruits of an "America that is safe from harm" because of those soldiers that you do not have time for, I ask you to do 1 thing before you go. Pull yourself out of your "soccer mom" bubble long enough to look at our photo albums of soldiers who will be eating "Christmas in a Can," so that you might have a special holiday. http://ph.groups. yahoo.com/ group/SOCKFORSOL DIERS/photos/ browse/9cbb
And though I do like to make being a member here, as pleasant as possible, and provide the yarns, patterns, and atmosphere of enjoying the fruits of "others" that are knitting and receiving letters and pictures.... ...I reserve the right to ask you to "REMOVE" yourself. Its a painless push of a button on our front web page- You could have {and probably should have} exited quietly, without posting.And in closing... I will add your post to our "Excuses Wall of Shame" under "I am a soccer mom and couldnt find the time to knit for soldiers."Lastly - Your post reminded me of a soldier letter we received a couple weeks ago..Please do print it out and meditate on Greg's words over Christmas. Let me share it here:
Ms. Opperman,
I got a care package with a hat that was knitted by Carmen Michael and I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you. I am currently in Afghanistan and it is starting to get cold, the cap will help out a lot. There is a saying here "The Military is at War, while America is at the Mall." Getting packages and things like this make me realize that it is 100% not true. Thank you!
Greg Y
---
My private (and ugly) reply, just to her:
Kim,
I am so sorry for dragging that into public view - I didn't realize that when I hit reply it would go out to everyone.
Since we're being so "heart-to-heart" with this, I have to say I'm more than a little surprised that A) So long as you were checking up on me, you didn't realize I've been serving my country since '99. I've lost friends to war, too, and I've seen it tear families apart. And, B) That a woman with such a large and charitable heart would be so publicly rude and demeaning. I thought you were better than that, even stressed out and on cold medicine. I apologize for overestimating you.
You are absolutely right - it comes down to time-management and priorities. I prefer to spend my time in several different areas - there are few days I knit on anything for even 10 minutes. And since I support Soldiers, Sailors, Marines and Airmen on a daily basis, Black socks (or green or tan or recreational socks) just aren't that high on my priorities list. I'm glad that you have found your calling in organizing such a wonderful group of people and can still devote so much time to knitting socks for soldiers.
My problem, it seems, is that I failed to find the Remove button on the webpage. I'll go ahead and take your link/logo off my blog while I'm at it. I apologize for your inconvenience in reading and drafting such a lengthy reply to my last missive.
---
Her (private? Public?) reply:
Kim,
I am so sorry for dragging that into public view - I didn't realize that when I hit reply it would go out to everyone.
Since we're being so "heart-to-heart" with this, I have to say I'm more than a little surprised that A) So long as you were checking up on me, you didn't realize I've been serving my country since '99.
While I am deeply grateful for serving our country- when you voluntarily signed up for knitting socks for soldiers- you made a commitment to honor this mission. This commitment was not necessary, but you signed up for it. I counted on you to fulfil your part of this mission. This is precisely why I now send out a "Handshake Agreement" document, with required signature prior to joining, so that we might screen out ones like you.
I've lost friends to war, too, and I've seen it tear families apart. And, B) That a woman with such a large and charitable heart would be so publicly rude and demeaning.
And, you disregarded how many requests for socks needed in our boxes,not to mention requests for progress reports. You deleted 321 days of posts begging for you to pick up the needles and knit. You disrespected me and this organization when you posted your soccer mom "remove me" from the group post.
I thought you were better than that, even stressed out and on cold medicine. I apologize for overestimating you.
I also overestimated you....being one who served her country, learned to follow instructions, learned to take orders, learned how to keep commitments, learned how to follow through with a job, learned how to sacrifice a little to get the job done. The cough medicine comment was said tongue in cheek- and had nothing to do with my response to your apathetic arrogant post.
You are absolutely right - it comes down to time-management and priorities. I prefer to spend my time in several different areas - there are few days I knit on anything for even 10 minutes. And since I support Soldiers, Sailors, Marines and Airmen on a daily basis, Black socks (or green or tan or recreational socks) just aren't that high on my priorities list.
Your "support" of your fellow comrades was in name only....When those same comrades have requested 2000 pairs of socks, and you ignore those requests, you have in fact disrespected them, for whom you claim to support.
I'm glad that you have found your calling in organizing such a wonderful group of people and can still devote so much time to knitting socks for soldiers.
My problem, it seems, is that I failed to find the Remove button on the webpage.
I see you found it now...
I'll go ahead and take your link/logo off my blog while I'm at it.
Yes, agreed. You should remove it. It is sort of hypocritical to have a blog button on one's blog, when that organization for whom it represents has little meaning to the blog owner.
I apologize for your inconvenience in reading and drafting such a lengthy reply to my last missive.
It was my honor to serve and defend the US Armed Forces for which we give wholeheartedly. In the name of patriotism, it was my duty and responsibility to throw the manure right back at you. Bottom line, if you didn't want to knit socks- then leave. I did not drag you into this mission by your hair, nor force you to receive black yarn (Note: She didn't send it. I spent my own money and time at the appropriate website and got it myself. -JAC). But to write an audacious post that "I work full time and am a soccer mom and cannot knit those 'challenging' Big Black Socks- was reprehensible to say the least. I thought CHALLENGES were what a soldier did, and did well. If you defended your country in the same manner you served this mission- we would be wearing linen face veils and speaking Arabic right now.
Go in peace. (I added the bold italic for emphasis -JAC)
---
My own parthian shot:
I'll do my best not to lose sleep over all this while I'm on deployment. If not knitting BBS makes me irrevocably unpatriotic, call me a red coat.
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