Excuse Me, But You've Got a Thread...

Your clothing is sewn shut! I've seen it a lot lately, and commented about it to friends. Several of them didn't know you're supposed to cut those stitches.

Here's where to find the ones to cut:

• The bottom hem of a new jacket or coat
• The bottom hem of a new skirt
• Pockets* (more on this in a bit)
• The shoulders of a new jacket

Vents

The vent is the split in the back of a skirt or in a jacket or coat.

Here's What They Look Like:

The thread used to baste the vent shut is usually doubled, and is often a contrasting color. The stitches are big, and thread is knotted someplace visible (but usually on the inside of the garment). The accessible knot makes it easier to remove.

Why Are They Sewn Shut?

The stitches are there for a couple of reasons. One, to keep the garment from bunching up during shipping and handling. Two, to keep the vent protected while you try it on. If the garment is a little small, you could tug the vent too far open and stretch or tear the fabric.

Why Should I Remove Them?

All the other stitching in your garment is meant to not be noticed. Not those basting stitches. They should go. Keeping them in means the garment moves awkwardly, or bunches up as you wear it.

If you don't like the split in the jacket, skirt, or coat, buy clothing without a vent (there's lots out there).

Pockets

Pockets are often also sewn shut. Opinions on opening pockets vary, and keeping them shut isn't obvious, unlike keeping vents shut.

Why Are They Sewn Shut?

To keep you from stretching out the garment by putting large items or your hands in the pockets. This is important before you purchase the garment. After the garment is yours, well... They're your pockets. But stretched-out jacket pockets make the garment hang awkwardly. Smoother lines create a more elegant appearance.

What About Pants Pockets?

If the pocket openings are horizontal, opening them is probably fine (but watch out for stretching them by sticking your hands in them).

If the pockets are slanted (close to the side-seams of your pants), they can have a tendency to gap open. Keeping them sewn shut helps them lie flat.

Those pockets are definitely going to be stretched out. :(

Why I Secretly Kind of Hate A&E's Duck Dynasty

I fell in love with A&E's Duck Dynasty when I had to fact-check a claim made by the family patriarch - a man passionate about duck hunting, mostly retired, now - that he had given up a promising football career - to launch Duck Commander. (Spoiler alert: it's true. Terry Bradshaw was Phil Robertson's second string at LSU).

It's a combination of Good Values and comedy as sweet as Si's iced tea. Almost. Everyone knows someone like these characters - that lady at church that's always insisting you go get another plate of food; that woman at the PTA you'll never measure up to; the weird uncle; the boss trying in vain to wield his non-existent power - all wrapped up in humor, both dry and wet, and love for the members of one's own family.

I suggested insisted my parents watch an episode while we were visiting. My dad could relate to all the hunting references, and they could both relate to the references to life in the south. We excitedly bickered over which episode was the best, and landed on the one about the radio show, where Willie takes himself too seriously, and is ruthlessly ridiculed for his (truthfully non-existent) ineptitude when it comes to hunting.

It struck me as I watched Daddy, obviously not loving this show: he doesn't like it for the same reason he didn't like the Berenstain Bears: the stereotypes.* Papa bear is big and friendly and jolly and ridiculously foolish; a lot like Willie Robertson, the ineffectual boss. Mama bear is almost flawless - she's well-kempt, loves her family fiercely, and she's hard-working around the home; a lot like Miss Kay. Korie is Sister Bear - a little air-headed, but smart, good at keeping folks in line, and good at putting on the charm when she needs to. Brother Bear is played by Jace - he's always pushing his sibling's buttons, he's a cut-up, maybe more than a little arrogant, but deep down, he really cares. (Full disclosure: there's an alternate reality in which I'm married to Jace Robertson. Le sigh.)

In Duck Dynasty, you'll hear some reference to manhood being beard-dependant (or even tied to beard length) in almost every episode: Real men - men who are unafraid of a challenge, men who can hunt, men who aren't squeamish or lazy or who enjoy too much luxury - those men have beards. Real women cook or sew (not Korie. But then, she has her looks) and aren't squeamish, either. Real women don't hunt (they tried to get them to do so, once) and don't get dirty; their hair and makeup are always stylish and flawless.

Did you gals hear that? If you look that good, you don't have to cook or sew unless you want to. Aren't we the lucky ones?

I still like love that the family has minor disagreements, but not protracted arguments, and that they come together over a feast and a prayer at the end of each show. It doesn't bother me when A&E leaves "Jesus" in the prayer, and it doesn't bother me when they take it out.

I even kind of like the exploration of the conflict between old values ("pioneer" living; hard work; a nature-focused lifestyle) and the new reality (How do the old values fit into a luxurious life? How can we hold onto our humble origins while expanding our wealth and ensuring our children's future?).

But I hate the stereotypes about gender, and I hate the stereotypes about the south (chiefly, that the south is full of rednecks who only care about things they can blow-up, shoot, shoot at, or eat).

Duck Dynasty has mad jokes (the bit where Si does Chewbacca had us all on the floor). It has some good values (loyalty to family - including family you choose, not just the one you're born into - and enjoying the great outdoors and hard work and good food). The characters allow surprising glimpses of their hidden depth (the "old, stupid one," Si, gets caught making pop culture references all the time, and even though Phil seems mostly to enjoy his retirement, you do get the impression that he worked really hard to get there).

I'm just not sure I can sit back and enjoy it like I did before I looked closer, and that's too bad.

* This part might not actually be true - I know why Daddy doesn't like the Bears, but he might have much different reasons for not liking Duck Dynasty.

My Commute :)

I actually really love driving. Even in rush hour. Even if there's traffic. Not so much if I'm running late, but even then, I don't usually get angry about it. But, there's just something about a commute that can't be captured with the windows up. Even if you sing your lungs out, it's just not as good with the windows up.

I walked to my car in the still, warm sunshine. My day was so done. I put it in reverse... And put it back in park.

I was digging through my purse. No dice... no luck... not finding- Ah! A pen. It'd do. I twisted it up, folded it over and wove the pen through. Opened the windows, two at a time. Turned the radio up, and off I went, homeward.

WIND WIND WIND... and fresh-cut grass... the PSS-PSSSSSS! of air from the brakes of that truck... a flowering bush?... The laugh of the woman on the radio... Mulch, and some other flower-smell... The smile of the guy passing me... The smell of something green and growing... and all the while, WIND WIND WIND.

How to Love Your Luxury Beater

Ok, so, I've got this love/hate relationship with my car. It doesn't like to start; it makes funny smells (kind of like burning wood? It's probably wood-burning stoves. In several neighborhoods. And only when we take MY car. And only in the summer. Right.); it screams (bye-bye, rear axel. It was nice having you); and recently the panel that houses the switch for the moon roof fell off (it's tucked up above the passenger visor); and the AC seems to work only occasionally. But the leather seats are still smooth and comfy; the leather steering wheel makes my fingers sing; the heating in my seats still (mostly) works; the moon roof still responds to the switch; and I can still red-line the engine when I want to (though I've been trying not to lately).

So, since the interior of the car is black, and the AC is (to steal my SIL's line) a Unionized French beast (it works every other Tuesday and Thursday, except when those days are preceded or followed by a holiday, for approximately 15 minutes at a time, unless conditions are unhealthily warm), I've been loving the moon roof.

Since I haven't blown these speakers (yet), I get off work in the evening, hop in my car (just like Don Johnson, only, I open the door first), roll down the windows, open the roof and blast Georgia Public Radio (ok, or the local pop station). I arrive home sweaty, sticky, slightly more tan in all the wrong places, tired, wind-blown, and oddly refreshed. The loose ceiling covering even ripples and reminds me of seeing the ocean in my rear-view mirror. Does it get any better than this?